That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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