So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
