Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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