Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He shit in the fireplace
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
