I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
