it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize