I hate all girls vehemently.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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