So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
