Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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