What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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