She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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