I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
