this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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