i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
