arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
