I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
how does that bad decision feel?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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