And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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