wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
