Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
