they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
