Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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