my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
