There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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