Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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