She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
