You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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