Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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