guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
