it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
