I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
