guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You made out with two different species that night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
