I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Buhtt sex?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
