Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
