i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
