he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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