he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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