Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
