in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
