it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize