Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
