there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
