She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
