OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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