That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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