last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
