I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
