My Higher Power is John Stamos
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
