just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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