Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
