have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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