i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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