I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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