i can't believe i had my finger in that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
