you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
