Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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