I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
