She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
