I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
