I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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