Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sorry about my life...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
