that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
