plz talk dirty to me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
