So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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