perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
